today it felt cold

i felt that iciness crawl and gouge it's way out from every word.
don't correct me
words are just words.
stab. stab.
tear. tear.
fear of the rejection pain.
it hurts like taking these pills that sat in the sun.
it hurts and i don't know what to think.
if i could see you tomorrow, i'm sure you'd calm this furious terror...
that you'd leave.

maybe you'll end up leaving anyway.


have i already begun to intrude?
did you even wonder,
for a second,
that i'm lonelier than you?

that the dishes just missed my head a few hours ago and crashed around me
into the sink
and onto the floor.
in my shoes.


i'm still shaking.