i should know better

and i thought one word wouldn't hurt,
that one turn of phrase could do no harm.
that i could patch it up and it would be gone.
oh, i should know better.
you come back, EVERY TIME!
we need to talk.
i don't want to.

but i do.
i do.
i do.

all of a sudden i'm throwing out the welcome mat.
what?!
who just inhabited my body?
it's as if i am two in one,
and the one that i suppress is,
has,
and ALWAYS WILL BE focused,
mesmirised,
hypnotised,
in the hold,
slipping through the sweaty grip of...
bruised around the heart by...
chocked at the throat by...
shocked by, held captive by, prisoner of, sickened to the stomach...
by
you.

and here i am crawling back for more.

once, twice, thrice...
how about another go?
how about i scrape this barely healed gaping hole
deeply?
let me sever myself again.
oh, i must love pain.
oh, i must be a sucker for tragedy.
i must be ABSOLUTELY INSANE!

i've died in a car accident,
and here i go driving again.