should i sing from my throat?

if a gun was held to my head and i was told to choose,
i don't think i would be here.

i think i'm longing for the road.
for smokey night clubs.
for a purse filled with simple coins.
for singing everywhere
or anywhere
they'd listen.
to sing over loud voices.
to sing in the silence.
to sing my babies to sleep.

i would play those black and white keys.
i'd try my hardest to improve
for the sake of getting what i want to say across.
what do i want to say?
what is it i contain in my bones?
what is it that aches?
what jealousy is this?
what longing?

i feel lost in these feelings, and for the lack of an outlet.

would they listen? and would they even care?
do i need them to?
i think i'm getting to the point where i just don't care anymore.

i'm getting too old.
the train i want to catch is already leaving the next stop.



should i run to catch it?
i need the hope.
how much hope do i need?
i need the hope.
how much hope do i need?
i need affirmation.
how much affirmation do i need?

dissapointment.
fear.
rejection.
sinking.
gulping from this bitter cup.

maybe it's time to drown.
because this feeling needs to end.