my palms looked sweaty, but it was just the dish water

my one eye is red, and my vision is blurred.
what an excuse for halusinations.
you're standing on the edge,
a figure smudged into the horizon.
and i can't really tell if you're walking towards or away from me.
i really wish you'd say something.
yell something to me, even from a distance.

your vision is not even a question here.
what you see...
i'm big enough to see from far away.
my hips wide,
my stomach rounded.

yes, i'm well and truly easily seen.

and yet i feel hidden.
as small as the seeds that rise like vapour together.
if only they knew that saftey in numbers is not true in this case.

no, i won't panic.
i won't be gulping my heart down any time soon.
just so you know:
i am calm
and collected,
and everything a young woman should be.
but...

i don't have any self control.