but come back...

go away emptiness, and fear of loneliness,
and feelings of longing.
you're only feelings.
and i'm bigger than you...
i'm better than this.

but i miss you.
oh, it hurts.
i need a hug
like the one you gave me outside my house
(you bent your back and put your arms around my waist,
lifting me ever so slightly),
and a hand to hold,
and a whisper in my ear at a social gathering...
something spoken just for me to hear.
i need that so badly.

i miss you,
and your myriad of names for me.
and our inside jokes.
and those awkward hangouts that begin a little strangely,
and always end with me not wanting to say goodbye.
and i know you felt the same way.

i don't want to say goodbye anymore.
i don't want you to spend forever not finding me.
leave if you must,
but
please
come back.

Jesus, i want to put this in Your hands so badly.
and i have handed over most of the control.
but You know how hard it is for me.
please give me the strength i need,
and the wisdom to make these choices,
and the contentment within myself to be okey with
me and You.
i want no cracks and spaces.
fill every part, dearest Lord.
help me through this,
please Father...
help me.