i am an empty room

there's nothing left of what i thought i was.
these things that i own
end up owning me.
i'm stripped bare...
this is me, not trying.
because i've always been trying.
i've been fighting upstream
on a river where i should be flowing down to the ocean.
instead i'm constantly jumping back into the stagnant waters from whence i came,
because they're safe and familiar,
but not altogether healthy.
i've been running in my own strength.
i've been stealing words
and character traits
and loves
and dislikes.
i've been everything but myself.

when all this is torn away and i'm left with
"just me"
will you stay?
i've been afraid of you leaving.
i've been afraid of not being enough.
but this has driven me far away from being complete.
i want to be complete now,
not in the way i always dreamed,
but in a way that will be the best for me...
where i'll be whole.

right now i'm dark
and empty.
but even though things seem desolate,
i'm ready to let the light in.
i'm ready to let you in...
if you want to walk through the door.
if you want to sit with me and listen a while.
if you did,
i'd be ever so grateful.
it's not bright and interesting.
we probably won't have much fill the silence with.
but i can promise i'll be there,
and there will be acceptance
and love.